You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize