I smell stomach acid.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
