update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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