508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
