Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
