I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
