And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
