just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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