the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
