dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
