Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
