Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
