so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
