Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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