she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
