I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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