You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
