Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
