You made me cry and you don't even care
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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