don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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