They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
