All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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