Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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