I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize