so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
