so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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