Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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