need another drink. this is the easiest way
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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