she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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