I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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