My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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