remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
