thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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