her vagine was all disorganized.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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