we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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