Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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