Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
