tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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