It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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