Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
