Don't you send me to vm
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
