FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
