Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
