like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
