I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
people are starting to question the shark bite story
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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