Moan for me like Helen Keller
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
