I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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