my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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