You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
