Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
