the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
