Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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