turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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