Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This is classic penis vs brain.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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