it hurts more in the daytime
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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