Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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