and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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