Non-Jews are for practice
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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