I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
