Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
