And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
