I wish my penis had an off switch
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
