Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
