WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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