I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
