You work out of a Hotel?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
